Dark Day

Not only did I hear the heavily falling rain, but I also felt beat down on me as I walked down the street. Cars drove past, and I heard the water wash under the tires. The cars were as uncaring of me as I was to them. I walked further my head and clothes soaked by the torrents of rain coming down from the sky.
As I walked along I listened to my feet, slish slosh, slish slosh it said. Then I heard an accompanied sound of feet behind me. I didn't panic, but continued to walk steadily along and pay no heed to the noise of my follower.
The sky was dark and the sun was hidden behind blankets of clouds. The sun hardly had shone her face all day, as if she was too scared to come out behind the clouds. Before I could stop myself I looked back to glance at my follower. Through the falling rain and the dark I could see nothing. I turned around, there in front of me was my follower, dress, of course like all villains, in black.
I could've been my imagination, but it felt like the rain was coming down harder. I felt a drop coming down my face like a bead of sweat. My follower approached me.
"Nasty weather isn't it?"
"Not quiet as nasty as yourself." I commented back.
"We are certainly in a bad mood aren't we?" replied my follower, "I was just trying to create conversation."
"Quite the civility and get on it," I retorted. "I'd like to get home at a decent time."
"We can definitely do that, if you give it to me," my follower said smirking.
"I'm sorry, but that I can not do."
"Pity," he shrugged. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to kill you."
"And I'm hoping I don't get pneumonia. Let's get this over with shall we?"
"As you wish."
Then he charged me. At the last moment I stepped to the side, took his out-stretched arm pulled it behind him, and held him against the wall. The rain continued to pour.
"You always make this so easy,"I said.
"You didn't have to do that right away you know."
"I told you I want to get home."
"What are you going to do with me?" He asked, voice a little shaky.
"Give you another chance." I let go of him and started to walk away. Once again I noticed how wet I was. I was only three, maybe four feet away when I heard the cocking of a gun, and then the firing of one. I felt to the hard wet ground, safe —well, not exactly— and alive. I turned around, he had the gun pointed at me.
"You still can't get it right can you?" I asked.
"Third times the charm."
"That never works."
"Just watch," and he fired the gun. Right then I dove toward his feet and knocked him to the ground. His head hit the pavement, hard and was out. I took his gun, and said to the unconscious body, "I'll let you try, one more time," then walked away in the rain.
In a couple days I was sick. A week later I had pneumonia. I knew it would happen.

Lame Poetry Monday: Week Whatever

...yeah i know I missed last week. I was busy.... sue me...

Who would've thought?

Chicken,
Salad,
Spaghetti Sauce,
Refried Beans,
Stir Fry,
Potatoes,
And Rice
Are all things you can find in our Fridge
In various Cottage Cheese containers.
When you open one up
you never know what you'll find,
Like a treasure hunt in the Fridge.
So you can imagine my surprise,
When searching through the food
I opened a container of Low- Fat Cottage Cheese
and found Low-Fat Cottage cheese.
Who would've thought?
That the label on the outside,
Would tell you what's on the inside.

Shorty-Brown and the Three Stores

*The following is a relatively true story despite any similarities to any fairy tales. It's a story that you may also relate to, and if you can't relate to it you are a very blessed person*

Shorty-Brown and the Three Stores

Once upon a time in a town not too small, and not too big, there lived a girl. The girl was called Shorty-Brown because she had short brown hair. One day when Goldilocks, one of Shorty-Brown's friends, was away on vacation Shorty-Brown went shopping. She needed to find some clothes because, much to her dismay, school was starting. So she went to the only shopping mall in the town The Mall.

Shorty-Brown walked into the mall and saw three stores for her to choose from. She stepped in the first one to see what it was like. The store contained dresses, skirts, and very nice, dressy shirts. "Oh no," said Shorty-Brown, "This place is too fancy." So left the store to explore the second one.

Shorty-Brown walked into the second store. It also had dresses, skirts, and nice shirts, but it also had jeans and other types of clothing more Shorty-Brown's style. She starting looking around the store and picked out a pair of jeans, then looked at the price tag, $200.00. "Yikes," she said, "This place is too expensive." she put the jeans back and proceeded to the other store.

Shorty-Brown walked into the third store and looked around. It had dresses, skirts, shirt of all types, jeans, and everything Shorty-Brown needed and liked. She also noticed that the prices were decent so she said, "This place is just right!"

Shorty-Brown began looking for jeans, the first item and the list. She got some and tried them on.

"These ones are too small."

"These ones are too big."

"These ones are too long."

"These ones are too short."

"These ones are too light."

"These ones are too dark."

"These ones are too skinny."

"These ones are too wide."

"These ones are too low."

"These ones are too high."

On and on it went until finally, Shorty-Brown said, "These ones are just right!"

Next Shorty-Brown looked for shirts.

"This one is too small."

"This one is too big."

"This one is too sparkly."

"This one is too ugly."

"This one is too pink."

"This one is too thin."

"This one is too thick."

Once again this went on and on until Shorty-Brown said, "This one is just right!"

Now Shorty-Brown went on to the shoes.

"These ones are too big."

"These ones are too small."

"These ones are too hard."

"These ones are too soft."

"These ones are too white."

These ones are too colorful."

"These ones are too bland."

"These ones are too 'Bam!'"

"These ones are too narrow."

"These ones are too wide."

Finally Shorty-Brown said, "These ones are just right!" After all that shopping Shorty-Brown bought her jeans, shirt, and shoes. Then went home and fell asleep on the "just right" bed that Goldilocks gave her for a present.

THE END

The Pirates Who Don't Know Anything

These past couple week I've been helping out in a VBS called Pirates in the Park. Obviously it's all about Pirates. However, I was deeply saddened to observe that people just don't know that much about Pirates. They don't talk much about Pirates. They don't act much like Pirates. People have the attire down right—at least we're doing something right—all it takes it a bandanna, dangly ear-rings, and baggy clothes. So I'm going to give you all a few pointers on Pirattitude, yes it's a real word, which means how to act and talk like pirates. You can apply these lesson on Talk like a Pirate Day, September 22.

ARRRRR!!!!: First thing is first, the most exaggerated pirate term of all "Arrr!!!" It sounds simple, but there's a lot more to it than just two letters, oh, that's the first thing we need to talk about. Arrr only has two letters. It's "ARRRR!!!!" not "ARRGGGHHH" that is a viking and as far as I know there is no "Talk like Viking Day" Another problem with Arrr is how you say it. It's not "Ar" like your saying the letter "R" it ARRRRRRR!!!!!" It's deep, loud and throaty. Not quiet coughing up a hairball throaty, more like clear your throat throaty. So that's a brief talk on "ARRR" and remember if you can't say it right don't say it at all because more than likely there is a pirate who will hear you and cut your throat if you don't say it right.

Pirate Vocabulary: After you get Arr down you need to expand your Pirate vocabulary. Pirate talk is more than just saying "Arrr!!! Me hearty!!! Let's go Find some treasure Matety!!! Swab the Poop Deck!!!" Before we get started on more words one always must remember that "Me" replaces "my" not "I". Okay so more words. Well, some goods pirate terms are:

Port

Starboard

Quarterdeck

Gallery

Main-mast

Bowsprit

Stern

Aft

Knot

And since I'm not a Dictionary I'll let you figure out what those mean. So know you have some lingo, but there's more. Pirates insult each other, I guess it's how they show love... maybe. So here are some Pirate insults:

Lily-livered

Landlubber

Filthy

Dirty

Dog

Savage

Scurvy

Mangy

Cad

Name: Now every Pirate has to have a name. Why? You might ask, well I'll tell you. Say your name is Bob/Mary Smith and if your a Captain it's Captain Bob/Mary Smith. You meet a small, defenseless ship you call out, "Surrender to Captain Bob/Mary Smith." They will most likely pelt you with Cannon fire and sink your ship before you can say, "Davy Jones Locker."

The reason is simple—just ask Westley from The Princess Bride— Captain Bob/Mary Smith isn't at all intimidating. It doesn't strike fear in people's hearts. However, Captain Blackbeard does or Captain Bloody-Bones. Another option —if you don't wish for people to pee their pants at the sound of your name— is to find a cool sounding name. Captain Bob/Mary Smith doesn't sound cool, (no offense if your name is Bob/Mary Smith) but Captain Jack Sparrow does. And if your a real good Pirate you'll find a name that's both cool and frightening like Long John Silver.

One more thing, not everyone can be Captain. It just doesn't work, so also find a name that doesn't have to have "Captain" in front of it. Of course a few people can be Captains, after all we do need Captain, but the jobs not right for everyone.

Acting like a Pirate: When your a Pirate you have to act and walk like a Pirate, you're not an average Joe walking down the street, you're a Pirate! The terror of the high seven seas! You have to walk big and important because you are. Walk with a swagger in your steps, after all you have been at sea for five months. Walk with an air of importance, like you own everything and you'll kill anyone who gets in your way, because if your a real pirate you probably will. If you want something, take it, and if they complain, threaten them. Have no manners at the table, reach, grab, burp and hit people in your way. Be selfish. Above all else don't take bath or brush your teeth, like I said, Pirate life is not for everyone.

Pirate Stance: Clench your fists, like your going to punch your first mate for taking your rum, and place them on your hips. Lift your head, squint your eyes a little like your looking into the wind and the sea salt is spraying in your eyes, but as you are ever so slightly squinting look like your looking far out beyond the horizon. Keep your face blank, expressing only a feeling of importance and command. Spread your feet shoulder width apart. There that is the Pirate Stance! (it also helps to have something billowing in the wind, a scarf or sash, preferably red)

I really hope you take these tips to heart, if you don't another pirate might take his knife to your heart for being a disgrace to Piracy.

REMEMBER TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY, SEPTEMBER 22!

Things I've learned on vacation...

• Shortcuts: Yeah they're great most of the time, but don't go to them at night, in the woods, without a flashlight, with sandals or flipflops. particularly if there is mud bog in the trail. You have the comfort of stepping into three-inches of mud while looking for your sisters flipflop in the dark.

• Parents: If your parents tell you that you have to go to a family get-together, but you really want to go rafting with your Youth Group, it really is good to go to the family thing.

• Car trips: Don't eat a lot of say.... French Dip before you go on a very windy road. Chances are you'll see it a lot sooner than you'd like to.

• Rain: Never miss a chance to walk in a rain storm (with the right clothes on of course). Seriously, it's TONS of fun.

• Grandpa: I learned a lot about my Grandpa on this trip than almost anyother. He really is an amazing man who builds thing and loves the Lord. He's a man of few, but wise words. You spend just a few minutes with him and learn a lot about life and God.

L.P.M: Week IV

I don't want to know

Everyone says,
"Look at that,
It's really gross!"
Everyone turns to look,
But me.
I don't want to know.

Camping in the mountains,
No toilets at all.
Unless you count the ones,
That you don't flush.
As I walk in,
The stench is unbearable,
And as I sit down
I tell myself,
"I don't want to know."

I drive along the road,
But something is in front of me,
And it's not a car.
Something smashed on the ground,
A treat for the crows.
When I drive by I say,
"I don't want to know."

There are many things in this world
That are foul, filthy, and disgusting,
But I don't want to know what they are,
So please,
Please,
Please,
Don't tell me.