I was reading in 1 Kings this week about Elijah, (who I would have to say is one of my favorites) when God spoke to him the mountains (1 Kings 19). God tells him to go to this mountain because "The LORD" will pass by. So Elijah sits in this cave, and waits. There is a hurricane, but God isn't the hurricane. There is a earthquake, but God isn't in the earthquake. Then a fire, but God isn't the fire. After all that demonstration of power, there is a whisper, from God. God didn't speak in the storm, he spoke in the silence that followed.
God shows his power in the storms, but he show us his love after the storm. The problem is we try to look for God in the big things. The bigger the better, the more God will appear. However, God is also with us after the big things, and it's after the big things that he talks to us. We try to find God in the noise, when really he's in the silence. If we want to her God's voice, we need to wait until the storm is done and just listen.
We can learn in the silence, but we can also learn during the storm. During the storm we are reminded of God's power, so if God is powerful enough to create this storm, doesn't it mean that he has enough power to hold us and keep us safe in the storm? While we are in the storm we can be assured that God is in control and will protect us.
However, it's after the storm that we have our most intimate moments with God. It's when he speaks to us, we listen and hear his voice. Elijah received encouragement and instruction when God spoke to him, and boy did he need it. God does the same to us when he speaks to us, gives us the encouragement and instruction we need. But it only happens if we listen, we can't listen to God and our MP3 player at the same time. We need to put everything aside and talk to God and only him, if we want the answers.
There is so much noise in our world, so many distractions that not only create storms, but also static when we try to talk to God afterward. It's like when you try to talk to someone out of cellphone range, you only get half the message. We only receive part of the message when we talk to God during noise. If we eliminate the distractions, we can talk to God without any interference. Isn't that cool, having a one-on-one conversation with God, the creator of this universe?
The really cool thing, is that he actually wants to talk with us. You, me, imperfect, insignificant humans. He loves us enough to want to talk with us.
Not only that, but if you want to have to a real relationship with God you need communication, just like any human relationship. Our relationship with God is a dialogue, not a monologue. It's us talking back and forth with God, not just us listing off our Christmas list to him. He wants to talk with you, without any noise. He loves you and wants to talk with you, are you willing to listen?
When you open up to let God talk, he will, and it might not be things you'll want to hear. Remember, he tells us what we need to hear, not always what we want to hear. But if God is telling us to do something, as hard it may be, it's always for our benefit. That's something worth listening to.
Listening is something we humans have always struggled with, that's why God let someone invent duct tape. But of all the people we should listen, God should be at the top of your list. If we do listen to God amazing things will happen. God will work miracles you never dreamed could be possible. It happened to Elijah, it can happen to you. What will happen if you listen?
To sum it up: God wants to talk to you, if you're ready to listen, all you have to do is be quiet, and let God work his wonders.
Are you ready to listen?
I am.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Something I learned in Mexico
To start off. I've gone to Mexico before, however, I went this time expecting to experience the same things in a different way. And whadda know, I did.
First of all I spent most of my time working in the prayer garden. The Prayer Garden, is exactly what it sounds like, it's a garden that people can people can walk around in and pray, it's one of the few places that's quiet. Well, it's mostly quiet, I'll explain.
Noberto is the head guy of the Prayer Garden, and as you can tell by his name, he's a Mexican. He speaks enough English so that you can understand most of what he says, if you can get though his accent. He spent most of the week calling us his "hoppers" and of course his made-up names for things, like "mush" for compost and "mushy" for the good compost.
Wes is another helper (or "hopper") in the Prayer Garden he's on staff and he's an American who speaks very little Spanish. In fact, he told us that one night he went to Adult Evangelism one night and the phrase for "Can I pray with you?" is "Puedo orar" but he said "Puedo llorar" which is "Can I cry for you?" Needless to say, he's like Noberto, expect the opposite, he knows just enough Spanish to get by.
Then there's Fernando, one of the kids, actually almost adult, at the orphanage. He helps in the Prayer Garden as well. Fernando speaks both English and Spanish, but he doesn't like to speak Spanish. So he would only respond to Wes if Wes spoke in Spanish. Then most of the time Fernando would be somewhere on the mission, and neither Noberto nor Wes would know where he was. So they'd shout, "Donde esta Fernando?"
Ashely was another worker at the Prayer Garden, but I only worked with her the last few days. She was in-charge of the gazebo type thing that had vines growing up in it. She would quietly do her job listening to music, talking to Noberto and Fernando, yelling at Wes for doing something wrong, like running over some flowers with the truck.
That is why the Prayer Garden was only mostly quiet. Wes would be shouting for Fernando. Norberto would be telling Wes to do something, and Wes wouldn't understand, so he'd come back in this truck that was near death and had no shocks what-so-ever, to clear up what Noberto had said.
It was fun to watch. It was often organized chaos. I liked hearing Noberto shout "No, No, No, No" at Wes. Wes shouting for Fernando and telling him to speak English and telling Norberto that words like "mushy" weren't real words. Fernando just silently walking in doing his job, smiling at us Americanos. Ashely working on her vines, often not knowing what was going on. I'll always remember it and miss it.
That I didn't have last time. I didn't really build huge relationships down there. I was often working in a different place everyday, so busy with work that I missed the people. This time I built relationships with the people too.
Which reminded me of Jesus. Jesus didn't come to get a task done and get the job over with. He came to build relationships, and he's still building relationships. We have a relational God, which means that his followers should be people focused too. I think often times, especially as Americans, we get so focused on getting the job done. That we miss the people we're working with, we miss the relationship. People should be our main priority, we still should do the job, but also be thinking of the people involved.
First of all I spent most of my time working in the prayer garden. The Prayer Garden, is exactly what it sounds like, it's a garden that people can people can walk around in and pray, it's one of the few places that's quiet. Well, it's mostly quiet, I'll explain.
Noberto is the head guy of the Prayer Garden, and as you can tell by his name, he's a Mexican. He speaks enough English so that you can understand most of what he says, if you can get though his accent. He spent most of the week calling us his "hoppers" and of course his made-up names for things, like "mush" for compost and "mushy" for the good compost.
Wes is another helper (or "hopper") in the Prayer Garden he's on staff and he's an American who speaks very little Spanish. In fact, he told us that one night he went to Adult Evangelism one night and the phrase for "Can I pray with you?" is "Puedo orar" but he said "Puedo llorar" which is "Can I cry for you?" Needless to say, he's like Noberto, expect the opposite, he knows just enough Spanish to get by.
Then there's Fernando, one of the kids, actually almost adult, at the orphanage. He helps in the Prayer Garden as well. Fernando speaks both English and Spanish, but he doesn't like to speak Spanish. So he would only respond to Wes if Wes spoke in Spanish. Then most of the time Fernando would be somewhere on the mission, and neither Noberto nor Wes would know where he was. So they'd shout, "Donde esta Fernando?"
Ashely was another worker at the Prayer Garden, but I only worked with her the last few days. She was in-charge of the gazebo type thing that had vines growing up in it. She would quietly do her job listening to music, talking to Noberto and Fernando, yelling at Wes for doing something wrong, like running over some flowers with the truck.
That is why the Prayer Garden was only mostly quiet. Wes would be shouting for Fernando. Norberto would be telling Wes to do something, and Wes wouldn't understand, so he'd come back in this truck that was near death and had no shocks what-so-ever, to clear up what Noberto had said.
It was fun to watch. It was often organized chaos. I liked hearing Noberto shout "No, No, No, No" at Wes. Wes shouting for Fernando and telling him to speak English and telling Norberto that words like "mushy" weren't real words. Fernando just silently walking in doing his job, smiling at us Americanos. Ashely working on her vines, often not knowing what was going on. I'll always remember it and miss it.
That I didn't have last time. I didn't really build huge relationships down there. I was often working in a different place everyday, so busy with work that I missed the people. This time I built relationships with the people too.
Which reminded me of Jesus. Jesus didn't come to get a task done and get the job over with. He came to build relationships, and he's still building relationships. We have a relational God, which means that his followers should be people focused too. I think often times, especially as Americans, we get so focused on getting the job done. That we miss the people we're working with, we miss the relationship. People should be our main priority, we still should do the job, but also be thinking of the people involved.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
The Adventures of Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth
The house sat on a green hill in the countryside over looking the road, behind the house was a small wood. The house was where he lived. His name was Lord Bumbly; he was odd man with an odd name. His oldest and dearest friend was his butler, Mr. Toadsworth. Mr. Toadsworth knew Lord Bumbly better than anyone. If a person was confused by Lord Bumbly’s antics they would only have to ask Mr. Toadsworth who would more than likely say, “Lord Bumbly does what he likes and likes what he does and not even the Queen can change that.” Then the person would walk away —still confused— and ask no more questions.
This particular morning Lord Bumbly was sitting at the head of table eating his breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast, and tea (“There is nothing better than waking up to the taste of Twinings,” as Lord Bumbly would say).
“Good morning sir,” said Toadsworth as he entered the dinning area.
“Good morning Toadsworth,” said Lord Bumbly.
“Do want me to fetch the newspaper for you sir?” asked Toadsworth.
“No thank you,” answered Lord Bumbly. “There’s too much bad news and all the good news is that the bad news of yesterday has stopped.”
“Do you want to stop receiving the paper then sir?”
“No,” answered Bumbly. “You can still use it for fire, sailboats, hats and any number of other useful things.”
“Of course sir,” Toadsworth nodded.
“Please Toadsworth, join me for breakfast,” he said and gestured toward an empty chair.
“Don’t mind if I do sir.”
While Mr. Toadsworth and Lord Bumbly ate, the room was silent save for the munching of toast and eggs and the sipping of “the finest tea of all England” as Lord Bumbly would say.
“Now Lord Bumbly,” Toadsworth asked as he leaned back in chair finished and full, “What shall we do today?”
“That is what I am a most difficult time deciding, Toadsworth,” said Lord Bumbly. “I had thought it would be a lovely day to go exploring in the woods.”
“Quite right sir.”
“But we did that last Tuesday and you know how much I dislike doing the same thing two weeks in a row.”
“Naturally sir.”
“So I’m really at a lost as to what to do.”
“May I offer a suggestion sir?” said Toadsworth.
“Of course!” said Lord Bumbly excited (“When I fail to have good ideas, Toadsworth always thinks of a good one,” Lord Bumbly said to a fellow Lord at one of the Queen’s fancy parties).
“We’re almost out of groceries—and all out of Twinings— so we could go into town and buy some more,” said Toadsworth.
“What a brilliant idea Toadsworth,” said Bumbly ecstatic with the idea.
“Why thank you sir,” said Toadsworth. “Shall I get the car ready?”
“Of course,” said Lord Bumbly and he got up from the table, “and I shall get myself ready.”
The automobile was very old, at least it would be today, but back then it was very new indeed. Toadsworth drove and Bumbly sat next to him. On one occasion, Lord Bumbly drove and Toadsworth sat next to him, but that trip ended badly— to which even Bumbly would agree, for it cost him a new fence, car, and having to rebuild a relationship with one of the nearby farmers, fortunately the cow lived. So now they rode with Toadsworth driving and no complaints, particularly from the farmer.
The road was dirty and the sky was foggy and everything was normal as they drove to town. Toadsworth drove a little faster when he past the farmer’s house and glanced at Lord Bumbly.
“It was not my fault,” argued Lord Bumbly.
Another glance from Mr. Toadsworth.
“Alright so it was my fault,” Bumbly grumped, “but that fence and cow appeared out of no where.”
Another glance from Mr. Toadsworth.
“Blast it Toadsworth if you don’t stop giving me dirty looks we’re going to crash into that fence again,” exploded Bumbly. Toadsworth only smiled and kept his eyes on the road. They drove on the dirty road, until it turned into a paved road, until it turned into a draw bridge, until it continued as a smooth road into town.
They arrived into town and parked the car by the bank across the street from the grocery store. Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth got out of the car. Lord Bumbly took one step on to the road, until Mr. Toadsworth pulled him back and a car sped by.
“Thank you Toadsworth.”
“Your Welcome sir.”
“I didn’t see that car.”
“No you didn’t sir.”
Lord Bumbly again proceeded to cross the street, until Mr. Toadsworth pulled him back and another car sped by.
“Thank you again Toadsworth.”
“Your Welcome sir.”
“I suppose I didn’t see that one either.”
“No you didn’t sir.”
“Well third times a charm as they say,” said Lord Bumbly as once again he tried to cross the street and once again Mr. Toadsworth pulled him back and once again a car sped by.
“Goodness Toadsworth, Thank you.”
“Your welcome sir.”
“Where would I be without you Toadsworth?”
“Either in the hospital or the morgue sir.”
“Quite right, Toadsworth,” Lord Bumbly said and started to take a step forward, when he stopped, “perhaps you should lead the way Toadsworth.” So Toadsworth did and they both managed to cross the street safely.
“Well today’s already been full of adventures,” said Lord Bumbly as they walked inside the store, “I can’t wait to see what else might happen.”
“I could sir,” said Toadsworth. With out further adieu Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth began to shop for their food. They bought bacon, eggs, chicken, roast, fish, bread, all kinds of cheeses, tea biscuits, breakfast biscuits, short bread, chocolates, apples, carrots, potatoes, broccoli, lettuce, cabbage, tomatoes and everything was going fine until they went to buy tea.
“They don’t have it!” panicked Lord Bumbly.
“Have what sir?” wondered Mr. Toadsworth.
“Twinings!” yelled Lord Bumbly— remember this was the finest tea of all England and Lord Bumbly would drink nothing but the finest.
“Perhaps we should ask someone if they have it,” advised Toadsworth.
“Of course!” exclaimed Lord Bumbly, “They have it a back room somewhere and just forgot to stock the shelves.”
Lord Bumbly went to the clerk at the front desk. “Hello g’day sir. What can I do for you?”
“I was wondering if you had any Twinings tea,” asked Lord Bumbly.
“’fraid not sir. We’re all out,” answered the clerk.
“Out of Twinings?” Lord Bumbly said shocked.
“Yes sir, is there any other tea you would like today?”
“No!” shouted Lord Bumbly, “Never! I drink Twinings and only Twinings until the day I die.”
“That’s fine sir,” said the clerk, then he stared into Lord Bumbly’s eyes, “but we don’t have it!”
“This is an outrage!” shouted Lord Bumbly and everyone in the store gawked at him, a grown man having a fit like a child, “I shall have to talk to the Queen about this.” Then he looked angrily in the clerk’s eyes, “and let me tell you,” he said in a dark tone, “she will be most perturbed about this.”
“Come Toadsworth,” commanded Lord Bumbly.
“Where to sir?”
“I am not buying any groceries until I have my tea,” said Lord Bumbly stubbornly.
“What do we do with the rest of our groceries?” asked Mr. Toadsworth.
“You may leave them here,” said the clerk, “and buy them when you come back.”
Thank you young sir,” said Lord Bumbly pleasantly as if he hadn’t been angry at him five minutes before, “you are most kind.”
“Just doing my job sir,” said the clerk. Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth left their loads of food behind while they went on their quest for tea, Twinings tea, the finest tea in all England.
One might think that finding the finest tea in all England would be an easy task, but it really isn’t. The reason for this is simple, if one drinks the finest tea in England, and it truly is the finest, then other persons will realize this and desire that tea as well. Before one realizes it, all of England is drinking the finest tea of all England, which naturally means millions of people will buying it leaving the others like Bumbly without it. However, Lord Bumbly was not like most people, he was going to find Twinings, and not even the Queen was going to stop him.
So they searched, Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth on the quest for perfection, which in most cases, is a useless cause. They looked in all the shops they saw. At first it was groceries stores, then it was tea stores, then bars, then before they knew it was furniture stores, fish markets, butcher shops, clothing stores, and barber shops, (“You never know,” said Lord Bumbly). They found nothing, until finally, on the last store, on the last corner, on the last street, they walked inside and sitting there just waiting to be picked up, were boxes of Twinings. Lord Bumbly quickly grabbed five boxes and purchased all five, and shook the hand of every employee in the shop and thanked them profusely.
However, the sky was growing darker, it was getting late. Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth hastily walked to their car just as they arrived, the bank employees were leaving, so they placed the boxes of tea in the trunk. They ran across the street, just as the clerk was closing the store, bought the rest of their groceries and walked back to their car.
“Are you sure this is the right car?” asked Lord Bumbly, “I thought we parked somewhere else.”
“Yes I’m quite sure, sir,” answered Mr. Toadsworth, “besides there no other car here.” Without further questions they put the groceries in the back seat, and made their way back home.
As was mentioned before, it was late, Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth spent a great deal of time searching for tea, unfortunately they had spent too much time. On the way home they arrived at the draw-bridge and Mr. Toadsworth stopped, they had come too late and the bridge was up.
“We’ll have to find a hotel in town and drive home tomorrow sir,” said Mr. Toadsworth.
“That won’t be necessary,” responded Lord Bumbly.
“If you haven’t noticed sir,” replied Mr. Toadsworth, “the bridge is up, we can’t cross and there is no other road home.”
“Preposterous,” Lord Bumbly said, “the bridge isn’t completely all the way up, it’s only at a forty-five degree angle. We’ll simply back the car up, gain enough speed to jump over the gap on to the other side.”
“I don’t believe that will work sir.”
“Oh come now Toadsworth,” said Lord Bumbly. “It’s basic science. Simple laws of motion really.”
“I understand that sir, but what if we don’t make it?” Toadsworth said explaining his fears. “What we don’t make it, fall into the river and drown? I much prefer to be left alive.”
“Oh Toadsworth,” said Lord Bumbly unconcerned, “If I was afraid of dying every time I tried to do something, where would I be?”
“Still alive I believe sir.”
“That’s the spirit!” shouted Lord Bumbly failing to understand what Toadsworth had just said. “Just back the car up a ways then let her go!”
“Very well sir,” said Toadsworth sighing, “but you’ll be paying for my medical bills if something happens.”
“Don’t I always.”
“Of course you do sir,” said Mr. Toadsworth as he backed up the car. Then after he backed it up, he slammed his foot on the gas and the car speed up. The vehicle went faster and faster then it went up the bridge. Lord Bumbly was yelling with delight, and Mr. Toadsworth’s eyes were wide with fright as the automobile went up into the air, and landed safely on the other side of the bridge.
“Good show Toadsworth!” said Lord Bumbly with a smile. “See that wasn’t so bad.”
“All the same sir,” answered Mr. Toadsworth clutching the steering wheel tightly, “I’d prefer we don’t do that again.” Toadsworth drove down the other side of the bridge, then to the rode. He drove back with no other obstacles; however, he did once again drive faster past the farmer’s house. Finally, they arrived to the house.
Mr. Toadsworth brought in the groceries and Lord Bumbly opened the trunk to take out his tea.
“Oh dear,” he said when he opened the trunk.
“What is it sir?” asked Toadsworth, then he stopped when he saw the contents of the trunk.
“This is dreadful,” said Lord Bumbly sighing. “To think we spent all that time searching for it and we’re still left without it.”
“Yes sir,” commented Mr. Toadsworth, “what are we going to do?”
“Well it most certainly is a grand problem,” said Lord Bumbly thinking.
“That it is sir.”
“Too big to solve tonight,” concluded Lord Bumbly, “we shall have to fix it tomorrow.”
“Of course sir.”
“Oh,” added Lord Bumbly, “tell no one else of terrible mistake.”
“Of course sir.” With that Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth closed the trunk. The trunk that was supposed to contain boxes of Twinings tea, but instead contained bags and bags of money, money that neither Toadsworth nor Bumbly had put there. Since money does not simply place itself in random trunks of random cars, Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth asked themselves “Who? Who put the money there and why?” all night long, the answer did not come until morning.
As usual the morning paper came and Lord Bumbly received it with his breakfast, and to his great disappointment breakfast with no tea. Lord Bumbly took the paper, read the main headline on the front page and nearly chocked on his water. “Toadsworth! Toadsworth! Come down here quick,” yelled Lord Bumbly still staring at the paper.
“What is it sir?” said Mr. Toadsworth, “oh I’m sorry sir. I forgot you didn’t want to read the paper.”
“Blast it Toadsworth, that’s not why I called you down,” said Lord Bumbly. “Look at the front page.”
“Richpocket Bank robbed,” Toadsworth said reading the headline out-loud, “I’m afraid I don’t understand sir.”
“Not understand Toadsworth?” asked Lord Bumbly confused. “How could you not? Read the rest of the article.”
Toadsworth read that at closing hours everything was normal at the bank, authorities and bankers didn’t notice the stolen money until they recounted the money after everyone had left.
“I still don’t understand sir,” said Toadsworth.
“I’ll explain it to you. Everything was normal until after everyone had left which, obviously, means that it was an inside job done by the employee or employees. They stole the money during their work hours and left with it at closing time. This, of course, explains and solves all our problems.”
“I’m still not sure what you’re getting at sir.”
“I shall further explain it then. Really Toadsworth, I’m shocked at you, a brilliant man such as yourself, I thought would have understood by now.”
“I guess I’m not as brilliant as you sir.”
“Of course you aren’t, but in time you will be, iron sharpens iron as they say, anyway back to the point,” said Lord Bumbly getting ahead of himself, —or behind depending on how you look at it— “The point is we were at the bank at closing time, we put the tea in trunk, then left to buy our groceries. When we left there were still other employees leaving, many with their own cars. We placed our tea in the trunk of our car, and the robbers placed their money in their car, possibly even before we arrived. They must have mistakenly driven off in our car with our tea, and we—“
“Drove off in their car with the stolen money!” finished Toadsworth. “I understand now sir.”
“Good show Toadsworth, I knew you’d get it,” said Lord Bumbly very pleased with himself and Toadsworth. “Just think not only has that cad —or cads— stolen money from a bank of England, but also they —or it— have stolen my car, worst of all my tea! Oh, I will most certainly have to talk to the Queen about this one.”
“But sir,” said Toadsworth, “if we tell the proper authorities, they might think we were the culprits.”
“By Jove you’re right!” exclaimed Bumbly, then he began pacing to think of a solution, “We must catch them in the act, but how?” He paced back and forth again. Then he looked up, “Toadsworth?” he asked, “What do you when you lose something?”
“Look for it, of course, sir.”
“Yes, yes, but how?”
“Umm….”
“You retrace your steps,” said Bumbly, then he paused. “Toadsworth, get the car.”
“What ever for sir?”
“We are going to catch a thief, or thieves, depending on how many of the dastardly creatures there are,” shouted Lord Bumbly running to his room to get his coat and change his clothes to leave. “But no matter how many there are, they shall be no match for Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth!” Bumbly met Toadsworth at the car, as he sat down inside he turned to Mr. Toadsworth and said, “Toadsworth ol’ chum, I believe we’ve just begun a most exciting adventure.” Just as Bumbly’s previous speculations had been right, this one was correct as well.
Toadsworth drove fast on the dirty road, and not just past the farmer’s house, but the whole way to the town. Once again he parked in front of the bank.
“Now,” said Bumbly sitting outside at a café a couples stores down from the grocery store and across from the bank, “they probably won’t see our car, until quitting time, when they do they’ll —hopefully— think their money is inside and follow us home. Make sure you drive slowly so they’ll be sure to follow us. As soon as we arrive back home, we’ll both go inside, you will call the police, and I’ll go back to collect the despicable villains. Does that sound like a plan, Toadsworth?”
“Yes it does sir,” said Toadsworth smiling at Bumbly, “it sounds like a brilliant plan.” Lord Bumbly may be an odd man with an odd name, but he was an intelligent odd man with an odd name.
Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth sat at the café all day. Now it might seem incredibly boring to sit at a café all day, but Lord Bumbly was very good at finding ways to entertain himself and Mr. Toadsworth. They would sit in different spots, look at cars, look at the clouds, or see how far they could throw their coins across the street; before they knew it workers were coming out of Richpocket Bank. Lord Bumbly noticed two suspicious men looking at his car, “I believe,” he told Mr. Toadsworth, “that we have just hooked our fish. Now let’s reel them in.”
Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth walked across the road nonchalantly and to their car. The two men saw them and quickly went to their own car. Toadsworth started the car and drove slowly away and the two men followed in pursuit— a very slow pursuit at that— in a car that looked identical to Lord Bumbly’s. Bumbly turned to Mr. Toadsworth, “I think that after this whole mess is straightened out, I’ll paint the car to avoid further confusion.”
“That would be a good idea sir.”
The two cars drove along, the robbers tried to drive inconspicuously, but sometimes the more one tries to do something inconspicuously the more conspicuous they actually look, such was the case with these robbers. However, Bumbly and Toadsworth already knew what the two behind them were doing so they didn’t have to worry about what the inconspicuous, but actually conspicuous men were doing.
After the long drive Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth arrived home, just like planned they walked inside inconspicuously— Bumbly and Toadsworth were able to really look inconspicuous— Toadsworth went to phone the police and Bumbly snuck back outside. While sneaking up on them he heard them speaking.
“Are you sure this guy has our money?” asked one
“’Course I’m sure,” replied the other. “I tol’ you he has the same car, we must’ve switched ‘em by accident.” He saw the two thieves walk quietly toward the trunk of his car. One of the robbers opened it, “Aha! See? It’s all here,” said one of them and he began to pick up the money.
The other man said, “Alright, now we’ve got it!”
“And now I’ve got you!” shouted Lord Bumbly from behind them. “You thought you would get away with it, but you failed to realized that I, Lord Bumbly and my butler, Mr. Toadsworth were on you’re trail!” Then a strange thing happened, for up until this point, everything had gone according to plan. However, anyone that has ever made a plan knows that often times, unexpected things happen that make the plan not work, so a new one must be created. Bumbly thought that his plan would continue to work so greatly and that the robbers would just give themselves up, but the robbers didn’t know of Bumbly’s plan, they made their own plan that didn’t comply with Lord Bumbly’s. Lord Bumbly realized this as one of the robbers drew a gun aimed at his chest, and Lord Bumbly was forced to forgo his plan, and think of better one.
“Oh dear,” mumbled Lord Bumbly.
“Oh dear is right Bumble,” sneered one of the robbers.
“It’s Bumbly, actually,” corrected Bumbly. “Us Bumbly’s have been Lords of this home for centuries. It’s a very nice manor—“ Bumbly was stopped short by one of the robbers, “I don’t want to hear it. We’re just going to take our money and leave and if you cause any trouble we’ll add murder to our list of crimes.” However, they didn’t have the opportunity to add anything to their list of crimes, for while their backs were turned on the trunk Mr. Toadsworth appeared, they didn’t notice until it was too late.
“You won’t get the chance to hurt Lord Bumbly you filthy cads!” Mr. Toadsworth shouted as he swung a frying pan into their heads and rendered them unconscious.
“Toadsworth,” Bumbly said shocked, “I never though of you as a violent person.”
“I wasn’t going to let them hurt you sir.”
“Oh I would’ve been fine,” said Lord Bumbly, then he asked, “Where on earth did you find that pan?”
“In the kitchen sir,” answered Toadsworth. “I was going to use the cast-iron pan, but I thought that would be too damaging.”
“Yes, very good choice,” commended Lord Bumbly. “Not too light or too heavy, knocked them out just long enough.”
“Quite right sir,” said Toadsworth, “and I think they’re about to wake up.”
“Yes, that was very good timing,” commended Bumbly again, “Good show Toadsworth!” The two thieves groggily woke up, and Bumbly took their gun. Bumbly also made sure that his tea was in the trunk of the other car, and it was. The police soon arrive and Bumbly and Toadsworth handed over the criminals. However, before they did so, one of the robbers pushed over Bumbly, who knocked over Toadsworth, who in turn toppled over the police officers, and the robber escaped. The robber ran to a nearby hill and soon disappeared behind it. Bumbly quickly got up, stood there and watched the robber run.
“Wot’s the matter with you? You let ‘im go!” yelled one of the officers.
“No, he won’t get far,” said Lord Bumbly calmly.
“Wot are you talkin’ about?” asked the officer.
“Come with me,” said Bumbly as he walked towards the hill that the robber ran to. The other officers stayed behind with the other robber and Toadsworth. As Bumbly and the officer reached the crest of the hill the officer realized that indeed, the robber had not gotten far.
The hill looked like many other hills, but there was one big difference. Most hills have two equally—or mostly equal— steep sides, this one has a slope on one side, and a drop off on the other. It wasn’t a high drop, but the problem was that underneath the drop was a wall of blackberry bushes. The thief was stuck, trapped in the thorny bushes.
“I do love blackberries, don’t you officer?” said Bumbly.
“Normally I’m not too fond of them,” answered the man. “But today, today I love them too.”
The thieves were taken again, this time neither attempted escaped and they were soon tried and convicted of all their devious crimes.
The next morning the story was in the paper. “’Recently robbers Roland Rothfield and Ronald Rashburry ransacked the Richpocket Bank.’ Good grief is this an article or an alliteration piece?” said Lord Bumbly as he read the article out-loud. The rest of the article was about how the thieves were apprehended and captured, and captured again after an attempted escape.
“You did a jolly good job, Toadsworth,” complimented Bumbly. “Thank you for saving my life.”
“Don’t mention it sir,” Toadsworth said modestly. “You were the one that thought of the plan.”
“We both did a splendid job,” said Bumbly. “All the same I think next time we go on an adventure we should prepare ourselves a little better.”
“I’m not sure that will work sir.”
“Why not?”
“Well sir,” Toadsworth began to explain, “adventures always happen when the person is most unprepared and unexpecting.”
“That’s quite right,” said Bumbly. “I suppose we’ll just have to deal with it being that way. I do rather like adventures, don’t you Toadsworth?”
“They’re growing on me sir.” So the two friends spent the rest of the morning sitting in the shade sipping Twinings tea, waiting for another adventure to appear
This particular morning Lord Bumbly was sitting at the head of table eating his breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast, and tea (“There is nothing better than waking up to the taste of Twinings,” as Lord Bumbly would say).
“Good morning sir,” said Toadsworth as he entered the dinning area.
“Good morning Toadsworth,” said Lord Bumbly.
“Do want me to fetch the newspaper for you sir?” asked Toadsworth.
“No thank you,” answered Lord Bumbly. “There’s too much bad news and all the good news is that the bad news of yesterday has stopped.”
“Do you want to stop receiving the paper then sir?”
“No,” answered Bumbly. “You can still use it for fire, sailboats, hats and any number of other useful things.”
“Of course sir,” Toadsworth nodded.
“Please Toadsworth, join me for breakfast,” he said and gestured toward an empty chair.
“Don’t mind if I do sir.”
While Mr. Toadsworth and Lord Bumbly ate, the room was silent save for the munching of toast and eggs and the sipping of “the finest tea of all England” as Lord Bumbly would say.
“Now Lord Bumbly,” Toadsworth asked as he leaned back in chair finished and full, “What shall we do today?”
“That is what I am a most difficult time deciding, Toadsworth,” said Lord Bumbly. “I had thought it would be a lovely day to go exploring in the woods.”
“Quite right sir.”
“But we did that last Tuesday and you know how much I dislike doing the same thing two weeks in a row.”
“Naturally sir.”
“So I’m really at a lost as to what to do.”
“May I offer a suggestion sir?” said Toadsworth.
“Of course!” said Lord Bumbly excited (“When I fail to have good ideas, Toadsworth always thinks of a good one,” Lord Bumbly said to a fellow Lord at one of the Queen’s fancy parties).
“We’re almost out of groceries—and all out of Twinings— so we could go into town and buy some more,” said Toadsworth.
“What a brilliant idea Toadsworth,” said Bumbly ecstatic with the idea.
“Why thank you sir,” said Toadsworth. “Shall I get the car ready?”
“Of course,” said Lord Bumbly and he got up from the table, “and I shall get myself ready.”
The automobile was very old, at least it would be today, but back then it was very new indeed. Toadsworth drove and Bumbly sat next to him. On one occasion, Lord Bumbly drove and Toadsworth sat next to him, but that trip ended badly— to which even Bumbly would agree, for it cost him a new fence, car, and having to rebuild a relationship with one of the nearby farmers, fortunately the cow lived. So now they rode with Toadsworth driving and no complaints, particularly from the farmer.
The road was dirty and the sky was foggy and everything was normal as they drove to town. Toadsworth drove a little faster when he past the farmer’s house and glanced at Lord Bumbly.
“It was not my fault,” argued Lord Bumbly.
Another glance from Mr. Toadsworth.
“Alright so it was my fault,” Bumbly grumped, “but that fence and cow appeared out of no where.”
Another glance from Mr. Toadsworth.
“Blast it Toadsworth if you don’t stop giving me dirty looks we’re going to crash into that fence again,” exploded Bumbly. Toadsworth only smiled and kept his eyes on the road. They drove on the dirty road, until it turned into a paved road, until it turned into a draw bridge, until it continued as a smooth road into town.
They arrived into town and parked the car by the bank across the street from the grocery store. Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth got out of the car. Lord Bumbly took one step on to the road, until Mr. Toadsworth pulled him back and a car sped by.
“Thank you Toadsworth.”
“Your Welcome sir.”
“I didn’t see that car.”
“No you didn’t sir.”
Lord Bumbly again proceeded to cross the street, until Mr. Toadsworth pulled him back and another car sped by.
“Thank you again Toadsworth.”
“Your Welcome sir.”
“I suppose I didn’t see that one either.”
“No you didn’t sir.”
“Well third times a charm as they say,” said Lord Bumbly as once again he tried to cross the street and once again Mr. Toadsworth pulled him back and once again a car sped by.
“Goodness Toadsworth, Thank you.”
“Your welcome sir.”
“Where would I be without you Toadsworth?”
“Either in the hospital or the morgue sir.”
“Quite right, Toadsworth,” Lord Bumbly said and started to take a step forward, when he stopped, “perhaps you should lead the way Toadsworth.” So Toadsworth did and they both managed to cross the street safely.
“Well today’s already been full of adventures,” said Lord Bumbly as they walked inside the store, “I can’t wait to see what else might happen.”
“I could sir,” said Toadsworth. With out further adieu Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth began to shop for their food. They bought bacon, eggs, chicken, roast, fish, bread, all kinds of cheeses, tea biscuits, breakfast biscuits, short bread, chocolates, apples, carrots, potatoes, broccoli, lettuce, cabbage, tomatoes and everything was going fine until they went to buy tea.
“They don’t have it!” panicked Lord Bumbly.
“Have what sir?” wondered Mr. Toadsworth.
“Twinings!” yelled Lord Bumbly— remember this was the finest tea of all England and Lord Bumbly would drink nothing but the finest.
“Perhaps we should ask someone if they have it,” advised Toadsworth.
“Of course!” exclaimed Lord Bumbly, “They have it a back room somewhere and just forgot to stock the shelves.”
Lord Bumbly went to the clerk at the front desk. “Hello g’day sir. What can I do for you?”
“I was wondering if you had any Twinings tea,” asked Lord Bumbly.
“’fraid not sir. We’re all out,” answered the clerk.
“Out of Twinings?” Lord Bumbly said shocked.
“Yes sir, is there any other tea you would like today?”
“No!” shouted Lord Bumbly, “Never! I drink Twinings and only Twinings until the day I die.”
“That’s fine sir,” said the clerk, then he stared into Lord Bumbly’s eyes, “but we don’t have it!”
“This is an outrage!” shouted Lord Bumbly and everyone in the store gawked at him, a grown man having a fit like a child, “I shall have to talk to the Queen about this.” Then he looked angrily in the clerk’s eyes, “and let me tell you,” he said in a dark tone, “she will be most perturbed about this.”
“Come Toadsworth,” commanded Lord Bumbly.
“Where to sir?”
“I am not buying any groceries until I have my tea,” said Lord Bumbly stubbornly.
“What do we do with the rest of our groceries?” asked Mr. Toadsworth.
“You may leave them here,” said the clerk, “and buy them when you come back.”
Thank you young sir,” said Lord Bumbly pleasantly as if he hadn’t been angry at him five minutes before, “you are most kind.”
“Just doing my job sir,” said the clerk. Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth left their loads of food behind while they went on their quest for tea, Twinings tea, the finest tea in all England.
One might think that finding the finest tea in all England would be an easy task, but it really isn’t. The reason for this is simple, if one drinks the finest tea in England, and it truly is the finest, then other persons will realize this and desire that tea as well. Before one realizes it, all of England is drinking the finest tea of all England, which naturally means millions of people will buying it leaving the others like Bumbly without it. However, Lord Bumbly was not like most people, he was going to find Twinings, and not even the Queen was going to stop him.
So they searched, Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth on the quest for perfection, which in most cases, is a useless cause. They looked in all the shops they saw. At first it was groceries stores, then it was tea stores, then bars, then before they knew it was furniture stores, fish markets, butcher shops, clothing stores, and barber shops, (“You never know,” said Lord Bumbly). They found nothing, until finally, on the last store, on the last corner, on the last street, they walked inside and sitting there just waiting to be picked up, were boxes of Twinings. Lord Bumbly quickly grabbed five boxes and purchased all five, and shook the hand of every employee in the shop and thanked them profusely.
However, the sky was growing darker, it was getting late. Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth hastily walked to their car just as they arrived, the bank employees were leaving, so they placed the boxes of tea in the trunk. They ran across the street, just as the clerk was closing the store, bought the rest of their groceries and walked back to their car.
“Are you sure this is the right car?” asked Lord Bumbly, “I thought we parked somewhere else.”
“Yes I’m quite sure, sir,” answered Mr. Toadsworth, “besides there no other car here.” Without further questions they put the groceries in the back seat, and made their way back home.
As was mentioned before, it was late, Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth spent a great deal of time searching for tea, unfortunately they had spent too much time. On the way home they arrived at the draw-bridge and Mr. Toadsworth stopped, they had come too late and the bridge was up.
“We’ll have to find a hotel in town and drive home tomorrow sir,” said Mr. Toadsworth.
“That won’t be necessary,” responded Lord Bumbly.
“If you haven’t noticed sir,” replied Mr. Toadsworth, “the bridge is up, we can’t cross and there is no other road home.”
“Preposterous,” Lord Bumbly said, “the bridge isn’t completely all the way up, it’s only at a forty-five degree angle. We’ll simply back the car up, gain enough speed to jump over the gap on to the other side.”
“I don’t believe that will work sir.”
“Oh come now Toadsworth,” said Lord Bumbly. “It’s basic science. Simple laws of motion really.”
“I understand that sir, but what if we don’t make it?” Toadsworth said explaining his fears. “What we don’t make it, fall into the river and drown? I much prefer to be left alive.”
“Oh Toadsworth,” said Lord Bumbly unconcerned, “If I was afraid of dying every time I tried to do something, where would I be?”
“Still alive I believe sir.”
“That’s the spirit!” shouted Lord Bumbly failing to understand what Toadsworth had just said. “Just back the car up a ways then let her go!”
“Very well sir,” said Toadsworth sighing, “but you’ll be paying for my medical bills if something happens.”
“Don’t I always.”
“Of course you do sir,” said Mr. Toadsworth as he backed up the car. Then after he backed it up, he slammed his foot on the gas and the car speed up. The vehicle went faster and faster then it went up the bridge. Lord Bumbly was yelling with delight, and Mr. Toadsworth’s eyes were wide with fright as the automobile went up into the air, and landed safely on the other side of the bridge.
“Good show Toadsworth!” said Lord Bumbly with a smile. “See that wasn’t so bad.”
“All the same sir,” answered Mr. Toadsworth clutching the steering wheel tightly, “I’d prefer we don’t do that again.” Toadsworth drove down the other side of the bridge, then to the rode. He drove back with no other obstacles; however, he did once again drive faster past the farmer’s house. Finally, they arrived to the house.
Mr. Toadsworth brought in the groceries and Lord Bumbly opened the trunk to take out his tea.
“Oh dear,” he said when he opened the trunk.
“What is it sir?” asked Toadsworth, then he stopped when he saw the contents of the trunk.
“This is dreadful,” said Lord Bumbly sighing. “To think we spent all that time searching for it and we’re still left without it.”
“Yes sir,” commented Mr. Toadsworth, “what are we going to do?”
“Well it most certainly is a grand problem,” said Lord Bumbly thinking.
“That it is sir.”
“Too big to solve tonight,” concluded Lord Bumbly, “we shall have to fix it tomorrow.”
“Of course sir.”
“Oh,” added Lord Bumbly, “tell no one else of terrible mistake.”
“Of course sir.” With that Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth closed the trunk. The trunk that was supposed to contain boxes of Twinings tea, but instead contained bags and bags of money, money that neither Toadsworth nor Bumbly had put there. Since money does not simply place itself in random trunks of random cars, Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth asked themselves “Who? Who put the money there and why?” all night long, the answer did not come until morning.
As usual the morning paper came and Lord Bumbly received it with his breakfast, and to his great disappointment breakfast with no tea. Lord Bumbly took the paper, read the main headline on the front page and nearly chocked on his water. “Toadsworth! Toadsworth! Come down here quick,” yelled Lord Bumbly still staring at the paper.
“What is it sir?” said Mr. Toadsworth, “oh I’m sorry sir. I forgot you didn’t want to read the paper.”
“Blast it Toadsworth, that’s not why I called you down,” said Lord Bumbly. “Look at the front page.”
“Richpocket Bank robbed,” Toadsworth said reading the headline out-loud, “I’m afraid I don’t understand sir.”
“Not understand Toadsworth?” asked Lord Bumbly confused. “How could you not? Read the rest of the article.”
Toadsworth read that at closing hours everything was normal at the bank, authorities and bankers didn’t notice the stolen money until they recounted the money after everyone had left.
“I still don’t understand sir,” said Toadsworth.
“I’ll explain it to you. Everything was normal until after everyone had left which, obviously, means that it was an inside job done by the employee or employees. They stole the money during their work hours and left with it at closing time. This, of course, explains and solves all our problems.”
“I’m still not sure what you’re getting at sir.”
“I shall further explain it then. Really Toadsworth, I’m shocked at you, a brilliant man such as yourself, I thought would have understood by now.”
“I guess I’m not as brilliant as you sir.”
“Of course you aren’t, but in time you will be, iron sharpens iron as they say, anyway back to the point,” said Lord Bumbly getting ahead of himself, —or behind depending on how you look at it— “The point is we were at the bank at closing time, we put the tea in trunk, then left to buy our groceries. When we left there were still other employees leaving, many with their own cars. We placed our tea in the trunk of our car, and the robbers placed their money in their car, possibly even before we arrived. They must have mistakenly driven off in our car with our tea, and we—“
“Drove off in their car with the stolen money!” finished Toadsworth. “I understand now sir.”
“Good show Toadsworth, I knew you’d get it,” said Lord Bumbly very pleased with himself and Toadsworth. “Just think not only has that cad —or cads— stolen money from a bank of England, but also they —or it— have stolen my car, worst of all my tea! Oh, I will most certainly have to talk to the Queen about this one.”
“But sir,” said Toadsworth, “if we tell the proper authorities, they might think we were the culprits.”
“By Jove you’re right!” exclaimed Bumbly, then he began pacing to think of a solution, “We must catch them in the act, but how?” He paced back and forth again. Then he looked up, “Toadsworth?” he asked, “What do you when you lose something?”
“Look for it, of course, sir.”
“Yes, yes, but how?”
“Umm….”
“You retrace your steps,” said Bumbly, then he paused. “Toadsworth, get the car.”
“What ever for sir?”
“We are going to catch a thief, or thieves, depending on how many of the dastardly creatures there are,” shouted Lord Bumbly running to his room to get his coat and change his clothes to leave. “But no matter how many there are, they shall be no match for Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth!” Bumbly met Toadsworth at the car, as he sat down inside he turned to Mr. Toadsworth and said, “Toadsworth ol’ chum, I believe we’ve just begun a most exciting adventure.” Just as Bumbly’s previous speculations had been right, this one was correct as well.
Toadsworth drove fast on the dirty road, and not just past the farmer’s house, but the whole way to the town. Once again he parked in front of the bank.
“Now,” said Bumbly sitting outside at a café a couples stores down from the grocery store and across from the bank, “they probably won’t see our car, until quitting time, when they do they’ll —hopefully— think their money is inside and follow us home. Make sure you drive slowly so they’ll be sure to follow us. As soon as we arrive back home, we’ll both go inside, you will call the police, and I’ll go back to collect the despicable villains. Does that sound like a plan, Toadsworth?”
“Yes it does sir,” said Toadsworth smiling at Bumbly, “it sounds like a brilliant plan.” Lord Bumbly may be an odd man with an odd name, but he was an intelligent odd man with an odd name.
Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth sat at the café all day. Now it might seem incredibly boring to sit at a café all day, but Lord Bumbly was very good at finding ways to entertain himself and Mr. Toadsworth. They would sit in different spots, look at cars, look at the clouds, or see how far they could throw their coins across the street; before they knew it workers were coming out of Richpocket Bank. Lord Bumbly noticed two suspicious men looking at his car, “I believe,” he told Mr. Toadsworth, “that we have just hooked our fish. Now let’s reel them in.”
Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth walked across the road nonchalantly and to their car. The two men saw them and quickly went to their own car. Toadsworth started the car and drove slowly away and the two men followed in pursuit— a very slow pursuit at that— in a car that looked identical to Lord Bumbly’s. Bumbly turned to Mr. Toadsworth, “I think that after this whole mess is straightened out, I’ll paint the car to avoid further confusion.”
“That would be a good idea sir.”
The two cars drove along, the robbers tried to drive inconspicuously, but sometimes the more one tries to do something inconspicuously the more conspicuous they actually look, such was the case with these robbers. However, Bumbly and Toadsworth already knew what the two behind them were doing so they didn’t have to worry about what the inconspicuous, but actually conspicuous men were doing.
After the long drive Lord Bumbly and Mr. Toadsworth arrived home, just like planned they walked inside inconspicuously— Bumbly and Toadsworth were able to really look inconspicuous— Toadsworth went to phone the police and Bumbly snuck back outside. While sneaking up on them he heard them speaking.
“Are you sure this guy has our money?” asked one
“’Course I’m sure,” replied the other. “I tol’ you he has the same car, we must’ve switched ‘em by accident.” He saw the two thieves walk quietly toward the trunk of his car. One of the robbers opened it, “Aha! See? It’s all here,” said one of them and he began to pick up the money.
The other man said, “Alright, now we’ve got it!”
“And now I’ve got you!” shouted Lord Bumbly from behind them. “You thought you would get away with it, but you failed to realized that I, Lord Bumbly and my butler, Mr. Toadsworth were on you’re trail!” Then a strange thing happened, for up until this point, everything had gone according to plan. However, anyone that has ever made a plan knows that often times, unexpected things happen that make the plan not work, so a new one must be created. Bumbly thought that his plan would continue to work so greatly and that the robbers would just give themselves up, but the robbers didn’t know of Bumbly’s plan, they made their own plan that didn’t comply with Lord Bumbly’s. Lord Bumbly realized this as one of the robbers drew a gun aimed at his chest, and Lord Bumbly was forced to forgo his plan, and think of better one.
“Oh dear,” mumbled Lord Bumbly.
“Oh dear is right Bumble,” sneered one of the robbers.
“It’s Bumbly, actually,” corrected Bumbly. “Us Bumbly’s have been Lords of this home for centuries. It’s a very nice manor—“ Bumbly was stopped short by one of the robbers, “I don’t want to hear it. We’re just going to take our money and leave and if you cause any trouble we’ll add murder to our list of crimes.” However, they didn’t have the opportunity to add anything to their list of crimes, for while their backs were turned on the trunk Mr. Toadsworth appeared, they didn’t notice until it was too late.
“You won’t get the chance to hurt Lord Bumbly you filthy cads!” Mr. Toadsworth shouted as he swung a frying pan into their heads and rendered them unconscious.
“Toadsworth,” Bumbly said shocked, “I never though of you as a violent person.”
“I wasn’t going to let them hurt you sir.”
“Oh I would’ve been fine,” said Lord Bumbly, then he asked, “Where on earth did you find that pan?”
“In the kitchen sir,” answered Toadsworth. “I was going to use the cast-iron pan, but I thought that would be too damaging.”
“Yes, very good choice,” commended Lord Bumbly. “Not too light or too heavy, knocked them out just long enough.”
“Quite right sir,” said Toadsworth, “and I think they’re about to wake up.”
“Yes, that was very good timing,” commended Bumbly again, “Good show Toadsworth!” The two thieves groggily woke up, and Bumbly took their gun. Bumbly also made sure that his tea was in the trunk of the other car, and it was. The police soon arrive and Bumbly and Toadsworth handed over the criminals. However, before they did so, one of the robbers pushed over Bumbly, who knocked over Toadsworth, who in turn toppled over the police officers, and the robber escaped. The robber ran to a nearby hill and soon disappeared behind it. Bumbly quickly got up, stood there and watched the robber run.
“Wot’s the matter with you? You let ‘im go!” yelled one of the officers.
“No, he won’t get far,” said Lord Bumbly calmly.
“Wot are you talkin’ about?” asked the officer.
“Come with me,” said Bumbly as he walked towards the hill that the robber ran to. The other officers stayed behind with the other robber and Toadsworth. As Bumbly and the officer reached the crest of the hill the officer realized that indeed, the robber had not gotten far.
The hill looked like many other hills, but there was one big difference. Most hills have two equally—or mostly equal— steep sides, this one has a slope on one side, and a drop off on the other. It wasn’t a high drop, but the problem was that underneath the drop was a wall of blackberry bushes. The thief was stuck, trapped in the thorny bushes.
“I do love blackberries, don’t you officer?” said Bumbly.
“Normally I’m not too fond of them,” answered the man. “But today, today I love them too.”
The thieves were taken again, this time neither attempted escaped and they were soon tried and convicted of all their devious crimes.
The next morning the story was in the paper. “’Recently robbers Roland Rothfield and Ronald Rashburry ransacked the Richpocket Bank.’ Good grief is this an article or an alliteration piece?” said Lord Bumbly as he read the article out-loud. The rest of the article was about how the thieves were apprehended and captured, and captured again after an attempted escape.
“You did a jolly good job, Toadsworth,” complimented Bumbly. “Thank you for saving my life.”
“Don’t mention it sir,” Toadsworth said modestly. “You were the one that thought of the plan.”
“We both did a splendid job,” said Bumbly. “All the same I think next time we go on an adventure we should prepare ourselves a little better.”
“I’m not sure that will work sir.”
“Why not?”
“Well sir,” Toadsworth began to explain, “adventures always happen when the person is most unprepared and unexpecting.”
“That’s quite right,” said Bumbly. “I suppose we’ll just have to deal with it being that way. I do rather like adventures, don’t you Toadsworth?”
“They’re growing on me sir.” So the two friends spent the rest of the morning sitting in the shade sipping Twinings tea, waiting for another adventure to appear
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Singin' in the Rain
I woke up this morning with the clouds grey and rain falling down on the patio outside. Most people would be disappointed at this, but I, unlike most people, was happy.
Rain is a strange thing. It causes— most of the time— the sky to be dark and un-beautiful. However, we all need rain, without it life would seize to exist. We have seen pictures of the desert, dry and barren, and most importantly, no life. Well, there is some, but no human would chose to live there, they would die.
Not only do we need the rain, but it's also a refreshment for the world. Think of plants in the desert, when it finally does rain they soak up every drop of that life giving hydrogen oxide (yes, I'm taking a chemistry class). Those plants need the water and when they receive it, if they could dance they would.
The rain cleans as well. Have you ever gone outside after a rain and breathed in the air? If not, you need to get out there and do it the next time it rains. The atmosphere is so clean, clear, and fresh.
Everyone needs a good refreshing rain shower. I received one this weekend in Portland at Acquire the Fire. Everything seemed to disappear that weekend as I drew closer to God, I felt the rain come.
I received the rain I needed, that life giving water. I don't think I even realized what I had missed until I drank in that water and soaked in the rain. I was so dry, I hadn't realized it until God rained down his love on me and I remembered how much I needed that rain and God. It was so refreshing, I came home and felt so renewed. I felt like I had slept for five days straight. I didn't even know how much I needed just a little break and fill myself with God's relieving rain. I also felt cleaned, like how you feel after camping for ten days without any shower whatsoever and you finally come home and take a 45 minute shower. I had felt so dirty for so long, and now I was cleaned again.
So I won't complain of the rain, I will sing and dance in it because I know it's for my benefit and it can't hurt.
However, I am aware that often times after these rains there are great thunderstorms, but I will stand up to the storms because I know that my God is more powerful than those storms. If the storm is rocking me back and forth like a ship in a stormy sea, my captain will deliver me and keep me safe.
Needless to say I love rain.
Let the stormy clouds chase,
everyone from the place.
Come on with the rain,
I've a smile on face.
I'll walk down the lane,
with a happy refrain
just singin', singin' in the rain.
Rain is a strange thing. It causes— most of the time— the sky to be dark and un-beautiful. However, we all need rain, without it life would seize to exist. We have seen pictures of the desert, dry and barren, and most importantly, no life. Well, there is some, but no human would chose to live there, they would die.
Not only do we need the rain, but it's also a refreshment for the world. Think of plants in the desert, when it finally does rain they soak up every drop of that life giving hydrogen oxide (yes, I'm taking a chemistry class). Those plants need the water and when they receive it, if they could dance they would.
The rain cleans as well. Have you ever gone outside after a rain and breathed in the air? If not, you need to get out there and do it the next time it rains. The atmosphere is so clean, clear, and fresh.
Everyone needs a good refreshing rain shower. I received one this weekend in Portland at Acquire the Fire. Everything seemed to disappear that weekend as I drew closer to God, I felt the rain come.
I received the rain I needed, that life giving water. I don't think I even realized what I had missed until I drank in that water and soaked in the rain. I was so dry, I hadn't realized it until God rained down his love on me and I remembered how much I needed that rain and God. It was so refreshing, I came home and felt so renewed. I felt like I had slept for five days straight. I didn't even know how much I needed just a little break and fill myself with God's relieving rain. I also felt cleaned, like how you feel after camping for ten days without any shower whatsoever and you finally come home and take a 45 minute shower. I had felt so dirty for so long, and now I was cleaned again.
So I won't complain of the rain, I will sing and dance in it because I know it's for my benefit and it can't hurt.
However, I am aware that often times after these rains there are great thunderstorms, but I will stand up to the storms because I know that my God is more powerful than those storms. If the storm is rocking me back and forth like a ship in a stormy sea, my captain will deliver me and keep me safe.
Needless to say I love rain.
Let the stormy clouds chase,
everyone from the place.
Come on with the rain,
I've a smile on face.
I'll walk down the lane,
with a happy refrain
just singin', singin' in the rain.
Monday, March 9, 2009
BREAKING WEATHER NEWS: Winter refuses to yield to spring
During the month of March a stunning and very unusual event has occurred Winter refused to stop his regime and let Spring take over.
Apparently Winter felt unwanted and unloved by the citizens of the Northwest region and therefore and continued his reign over the skies, sending snow, frost and even hail to unsuspecting people.
"I thought I had more to offer than snow just a few months out of the year," said Winter. "I wanted people to see what I could really do given the time."
Spring and Winter planned to swap seasons during the first week of March. However, the cold-hearted Winter refused to let Spring rule the weather.
"I was initially shocked, but things like this has happened before,"Spring commented. "A couple years ago it was same exact story."
This event not only affects the atmosphere, but also the citizen underneath. Some complained of the prolonged weather, other are enjoying it. "It gives me more time to enjoy snowboarding," said Matt Walker while he enjoyed the freshly fallen snow on Brundage Mountain.
"This is ridiculous! We need to move on to Spring," complained Katie Potter victim of the long weather. "I want to plant my garden and go outside in sandals instead of boots."
Citizens of Lewiston, Spokane Moscow and other cities too numerous to count, protested against Winter's stubbornness to move on. "[Winter] is just being selfish," said one anonymous protester, "He doesn't care what happens to the rest of us."
However, Winter failed to care whether (no pun intended) or not the citizens of the world wanted him or not. "He's [Winter] got to realize that sooner or later he's going to have to stop this insanity," Spring said. "If he doesn't people get mad and pretty soon the big man [God] takes care of it."
Winter responded and stated that he only needed a few more months to prove his importance to the world. "People like me, they really do, otherwise no one would live in places like Alaska, Russia or Greenland," said Winter.
Several citizens responded and stated that they would enjoy Winter better if he left when he was supposed to. "People, including myself, get tired of this every single year," explained Spring. "Flowers need to be grow, animals need to come out and people need to go outside and play. We need to move on and he is holding us back."
It continues to be unclear as to when Spring will be able to take hold of the skies. Several governmental agencies are working to negotiate with Winter to let Spring come. If you would like to help bring spring go to http://www.IwantwintertobeoversoIcanwearsandalsforcryingoutlouditsalmostspringbreakandIdon'twantsnowforspringbreakdontbestupidandjustletspringcome!.com
Apparently Winter felt unwanted and unloved by the citizens of the Northwest region and therefore and continued his reign over the skies, sending snow, frost and even hail to unsuspecting people.
"I thought I had more to offer than snow just a few months out of the year," said Winter. "I wanted people to see what I could really do given the time."
Spring and Winter planned to swap seasons during the first week of March. However, the cold-hearted Winter refused to let Spring rule the weather.
"I was initially shocked, but things like this has happened before,"Spring commented. "A couple years ago it was same exact story."
This event not only affects the atmosphere, but also the citizen underneath. Some complained of the prolonged weather, other are enjoying it. "It gives me more time to enjoy snowboarding," said Matt Walker while he enjoyed the freshly fallen snow on Brundage Mountain.
"This is ridiculous! We need to move on to Spring," complained Katie Potter victim of the long weather. "I want to plant my garden and go outside in sandals instead of boots."
Citizens of Lewiston, Spokane Moscow and other cities too numerous to count, protested against Winter's stubbornness to move on. "[Winter] is just being selfish," said one anonymous protester, "He doesn't care what happens to the rest of us."
However, Winter failed to care whether (no pun intended) or not the citizens of the world wanted him or not. "He's [Winter] got to realize that sooner or later he's going to have to stop this insanity," Spring said. "If he doesn't people get mad and pretty soon the big man [God] takes care of it."
Winter responded and stated that he only needed a few more months to prove his importance to the world. "People like me, they really do, otherwise no one would live in places like Alaska, Russia or Greenland," said Winter.
Several citizens responded and stated that they would enjoy Winter better if he left when he was supposed to. "People, including myself, get tired of this every single year," explained Spring. "Flowers need to be grow, animals need to come out and people need to go outside and play. We need to move on and he is holding us back."
It continues to be unclear as to when Spring will be able to take hold of the skies. Several governmental agencies are working to negotiate with Winter to let Spring come. If you would like to help bring spring go to http://www.IwantwintertobeoversoIcanwearsandalsforcryingoutlouditsalmostspringbreakandIdon'twantsnowforspringbreakdontbestupidandjustletspringcome!.com
Further breaking news of this event will be posted
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Film
I've always liked movies, ever since I was little. If I started watching a movie, and I left before it was over, you'd better watch out 'cause I would (and still probably will) get raging mad. I was the kid that sat in front of the TV and watched the lamest kids movies, now of course I know better. After the movie was done, I'd rewind it (back in the day of video tapes) and sometimes, if mom would let me, and sometimes even if she didn't, watch it again.
I took a class last semester, the best class I've ever taken so far, Survey of Classic American Films. Basically the class was this, watch a movie then analyze it. SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!
We watched Marx Brother's John Wayne, Alfred Hitchcock, Gone with the Wind, Wizard of Oz, On the Waterfront, Citizen Kane, Some like it Hot Casablanca and countless others.
Most of the films were classics —you could've got that from the title of the class— so most of them were 1930s, 1940s and 1950s. Those films were the films that defined film.
Where would we be without Citizen Kane? A lot of people don't realize this, but Citizen Kane broke the wave. Until then movies, didn't have much variations of camera angles. Plot-lines went from beginning to end, they didn't skip around. This movie changed all that.
Even movies that today are out-dated like King Kong (the first one ever made) without the horrific clay-animation. Or Wizard of Oz's flying monkeys and horse of many colors, we wouldn't have the Special Effects we do now.
Movies like Casablanca who didn't give film a novel idea in the way it was filmed. Yet somehow the film has been named a classic and, on most lists in the top five best movies ever. The everyday themes of love and war, good and evil. The script contains some of the most remembered movie quotes. Where would we be without "Here's looking at you kid"?
The point I'm trying to make in all this mess is this, if this is how films were started, with some of the best ever, where did it fall? Now I'm not saying that all the movies made in modern day are terrible, but it seems like they're all the same story. There's nothing new. There's are hardly any modern classics.
Like I said, not all films in the past ten years are terrible, just look at Lord of the Rings, but most of them have almost lost their luster. They don't have the art the early film did. You also, in some films, have to rake through a lot muck, before you can find the treasure at the bottom.
Let's take comedies for example in the early day you had comedies like "Duck Soup" and "The Philadelphia Story" I know there are several others, these are just some of the ones I've seen. All the jokes are funny... and clean. *Gasp* you can't make a comedy without profanity and dirty jokes, well apparently you can. And more importantly, these are comedies that considered classic. Now there is another comedy, "Some like it Hot" that contain... a few, unnecessary items, however, if all the films we watched now even lowered it down that far, I'd brake out into a Hallelujah chorus.
Once again, a lot of films lacked the luster they once had. I understand that once you go into over 80 years of a business it can be hard to create novelty, by that time everything already has been done, but that doesn't explain the fact that the art is dying away for some. Some still create amazing cinematography, acting, script, and direction, for the others, I'm afraid their only motivation is the money they make. That is not what Film was for, film is art. It's to be created so that people are supposed to enjoy.
I don't really have much of a sum-up for all this, it's really just me venting at how incompetent and stupid people can be (and I'll stop there). How much I wish for the "Golden Age of Film" to return to show us, once again, the magic of motion pictures.
I took a class last semester, the best class I've ever taken so far, Survey of Classic American Films. Basically the class was this, watch a movie then analyze it. SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!
We watched Marx Brother's John Wayne, Alfred Hitchcock, Gone with the Wind, Wizard of Oz, On the Waterfront, Citizen Kane, Some like it Hot Casablanca and countless others.
Most of the films were classics —you could've got that from the title of the class— so most of them were 1930s, 1940s and 1950s. Those films were the films that defined film.
Where would we be without Citizen Kane? A lot of people don't realize this, but Citizen Kane broke the wave. Until then movies, didn't have much variations of camera angles. Plot-lines went from beginning to end, they didn't skip around. This movie changed all that.
Even movies that today are out-dated like King Kong (the first one ever made) without the horrific clay-animation. Or Wizard of Oz's flying monkeys and horse of many colors, we wouldn't have the Special Effects we do now.
Movies like Casablanca who didn't give film a novel idea in the way it was filmed. Yet somehow the film has been named a classic and, on most lists in the top five best movies ever. The everyday themes of love and war, good and evil. The script contains some of the most remembered movie quotes. Where would we be without "Here's looking at you kid"?
The point I'm trying to make in all this mess is this, if this is how films were started, with some of the best ever, where did it fall? Now I'm not saying that all the movies made in modern day are terrible, but it seems like they're all the same story. There's nothing new. There's are hardly any modern classics.
Like I said, not all films in the past ten years are terrible, just look at Lord of the Rings, but most of them have almost lost their luster. They don't have the art the early film did. You also, in some films, have to rake through a lot muck, before you can find the treasure at the bottom.
Let's take comedies for example in the early day you had comedies like "Duck Soup" and "The Philadelphia Story" I know there are several others, these are just some of the ones I've seen. All the jokes are funny... and clean. *Gasp* you can't make a comedy without profanity and dirty jokes, well apparently you can. And more importantly, these are comedies that considered classic. Now there is another comedy, "Some like it Hot" that contain... a few, unnecessary items, however, if all the films we watched now even lowered it down that far, I'd brake out into a Hallelujah chorus.
Once again, a lot of films lacked the luster they once had. I understand that once you go into over 80 years of a business it can be hard to create novelty, by that time everything already has been done, but that doesn't explain the fact that the art is dying away for some. Some still create amazing cinematography, acting, script, and direction, for the others, I'm afraid their only motivation is the money they make. That is not what Film was for, film is art. It's to be created so that people are supposed to enjoy.
I don't really have much of a sum-up for all this, it's really just me venting at how incompetent and stupid people can be (and I'll stop there). How much I wish for the "Golden Age of Film" to return to show us, once again, the magic of motion pictures.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Little Suzy went to school,
The teachers taught her everything.
They also told Suzy to remember it all
(In case she had a test or something).
So Suzy learned about Spanish,
And all kinds of mathematics,
Chemistry and Physics,
And of course grammatics.
She learned about the cultures of the world,
As well as Economy and History,
And don't forget P.E. and Health,
Computers and Physcology.
So Suzy sat and learned all day,
Kept all the information in her head.
She didn't know the consequences,
She just did what the teachers said.
Well, this is what happened to Suzy,
Eventually her head started to ache
From all the things she kept inside
She just couldn't seem to get a brake
From all of the teachings she was taught.
Oh, she told her teachers her problem,
But they didn't take take heed.
They didn't listen,
They failed to see the need.
Suzy shouted to them,
"I can't take anymore!"
She started her tantrum
"It's worse than an overstocked store,
How do I get rid of this surplus?
You can't delete stuff from your cranium!"
Nobody listened
They just didn't see,
What the problem was,
And what it was going to be.
One night Suzy was studying,
Trying to stuff more things in it,
And that what stopped it,
That's what did it.
That one last item she tried to cram,
It didn't work, but it did her in,
And her head went KABAM!
Her brain just exploded,
The reason of course,
It was too overloaded.
Nobody listened
And it brought Suzy demise.
The teachers, of course,
Were very surprised.
No one before her
Had ever died,
From filling a brain
That was undersized.
Needless to say,
It was a lesson for Education,
That tests can be fatal
So to avoid the whole situation,
Of death by explosion
Tests really should be eluded completely.
The teachers taught her everything.
They also told Suzy to remember it all
(In case she had a test or something).
So Suzy learned about Spanish,
And all kinds of mathematics,
Chemistry and Physics,
And of course grammatics.
She learned about the cultures of the world,
As well as Economy and History,
And don't forget P.E. and Health,
Computers and Physcology.
So Suzy sat and learned all day,
Kept all the information in her head.
She didn't know the consequences,
She just did what the teachers said.
Well, this is what happened to Suzy,
Eventually her head started to ache
From all the things she kept inside
She just couldn't seem to get a brake
From all of the teachings she was taught.
Oh, she told her teachers her problem,
But they didn't take take heed.
They didn't listen,
They failed to see the need.
Suzy shouted to them,
"I can't take anymore!"
She started her tantrum
"It's worse than an overstocked store,
How do I get rid of this surplus?
You can't delete stuff from your cranium!"
Nobody listened
They just didn't see,
What the problem was,
And what it was going to be.
One night Suzy was studying,
Trying to stuff more things in it,
And that what stopped it,
That's what did it.
That one last item she tried to cram,
It didn't work, but it did her in,
And her head went KABAM!
Her brain just exploded,
The reason of course,
It was too overloaded.
Nobody listened
And it brought Suzy demise.
The teachers, of course,
Were very surprised.
No one before her
Had ever died,
From filling a brain
That was undersized.
Needless to say,
It was a lesson for Education,
That tests can be fatal
So to avoid the whole situation,
Of death by explosion
Tests really should be eluded completely.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Amy's Magic Scarf
Far away in a place that is known to some, but rather few, there lived a girl named Amy. One day Amy received a scarf. I’m not certain if she found the scarf and bought or if it was given to her by a friend, but nonetheless it was a scarf. However, this was no ordinary scarf. I spent many months trying to research the origins and I soon came to the conclusion that the scarf had a long diverse history.
The scarf was made by a tailor in India. Some said that he also was a magician, for the clothes he made never wore or tore and were always clean, never wrinkled. The tailor, of course, knew no magic; he just knew how to make clothes in a special way that kept well. Sadly the tailor died—in an elephant accident— before he could teach anyone his special ways of clothes making, which is why today our clothes are always in need of constant repair.
When the tailor died his unsold clothing passed on to his friend who was a sheik. The Sheik—I’m not sure what his name was— had no desire to keep all the tailors clothes, but neither did he want to get rid of them, after all they were from his dear dead friend. So he stuffed them in a forgotten room in the corner of his palace, now known as the Taj Mahal.
Then like his friend, the Sheik also died, however it was in a croquet accident, not one involving an elephant. The clothes, including the scarf were removed from the room and put in a cart to sell at the market. However, when the servants were moving the clothes, the scarf fell out and was found by a poor beggar boy.
The beggar boy once lost it in the Indian Ocean and it was picked up a fisherman. The fisherman gave it to his sister. His sister gave it to her cousin’s uncle’s daughter’s niece, who gave it to either her second-cousin’s aunt or her aunt’s second-cousin. Here is where the scarf’s history remains a mystery. Somewhere along it’s past it came to America and ended up in the possession of Amy, which is the most important thing. Along with the fact that Amy did not know it was magic. And considering that this is the story of how she came to know of it and how she used its powers to make the world a better place let’s get this story going shall we?
Amy, as I said lived in a far away place, but even people in the most far away places enjoyed traveling to even farther destinations, and Amy was no exception. In the cold month of February—at least it is in the northern hemisphere where our story takes place— Amy decided to travel to an even colder part of the world known as Field Springs. In the month of February the field was the farthest thing from springy in fact quite the opposite, it was snowy. The snow was the reason Amy was traveling to that frozen country, the church youth group she participated in was going there for a trip and so was Amy.
The trip there was long and the road was long and windy as if it had built by someone obsessed with slinkies. Amy’s companion, Kaylee got very nauseated, but before Kaylee threw up her lunch, they arrived at Field Springs.
The rest of the day was spent unpacking and running around the campground there, she was with junior highers so there was a lot of energy to burn. And because everyone burned so much energy they all sleep peacefully through the night.
In the morning they loaded up on the bus and went to a sledding hill. Amy and Kaylee stayed behind, you see Amy had bad knees, —don’t ask why, she just did, genetic stuff you know— and Kaylee had Over-reactive airways. (A terrible, terrible disease) So going down a giant hill and walking back up proved very strenuous for the both of them and they both decided that it would be better if they just remained at the campground.
Well, Amy isn’t one that enjoys “hanging around” for a long, and neither is Kaylee for that matter. Before anyone could stop them —if anyone had been there to do so —they had on their snow clothes, Amy her scarf and they were out the door.
I don’t why they chose to take a hike in the snow, but they did. Both of them enjoyed it immensely, until it happened. Kaylee walked away for a little bit to take a picture and the lighting was better over there than on the trail. However, underneath the snow where Kaylee stood was ice, and at that particular moment it decided to break.
Without warning Kaylee disappeared from Amy’s eyesight and yelled. Thinking fast, Amy lied down on the snow and inched towards Kaylee. She undid her scarf and threw it too Kaylee but it was too short, she tried to crawl closer, but the ice started to crack beneath her so she stopped. Please, she thought pleading to scarf, just a little longer. Much to her disbelief to scarf extended to just the right length.
“Grab my scarf,” she yelled to Kaylee, then said to herself, Please be strong enough. Once again the scarf obeyed her request.
Amy helped Kaylee back to the main lodge of the campground and Kaylee took a hot shower to warm up. As Kaylee showered, Amy built a fire. When she was done she picked up her scarf to warm it up, she noticed it looked much shorter and definitely not strong enough to pull someone out of icy water. Then she had a thought, “Grow longer!” she commanded the scarf, and of course, it grew longer. And that is how Amy discovered her scarf was magic.
If I wanted to, I could tell about the rest of the trip, but I don’t, for this story, if you noticed, is entitled Amy’s Magic Scarf and that is what I intended to write about. If you wish to know the rest of Amy’s trip read the book entitled Amy’s trip to Field Spring, and as far as I know there is no such book written. So you’ll have to stick with this story, my apologizes.
Over the next few months Amy spent a lot of time seeing what her scarf could do and found it could grow longer, stronger, and change shape. After that, Amy was hardly ever without her scarf. Amy used her scarf many times, but the next time that it changed the course of this story is when she was in Portland.
Once again it was on a youth group trip. This time they traveled to Portland for Acquire the Fire, a big event that is hard to explain, so I won’t (however, this is a really exciting, awesome, amazing, fun event, make no mistake about that).
Late at night Amy and the group of people she was with were traveling from the Portland Coliseum, where the event took place to their hotel. All of a sudden there were many shouts and a man ran through their massive mob of people.
“Stop that man!” shouted a policeman running after him. So, Amy did, she held her scarf threw it like a whip; the end entangled itself around the legs of the running man and he fell to the ground. The policeman handcuffed him, “Thank you, whoever threw that scarf.” Everyone pointed at Amy, “Thank you miss, you did your country a great service.”
“Oh, it was nothing,” said Amy. The policeman led the man, who the police had been trying to catch for sometime, away to his police car.
Now this wouldn’t be all that important if an F.B.I. agent hadn’t been watching the whole thing. He noticed the scarf’s length change, which no one else seemed to. The agent thought to himself, With that scarf she would be able to help in so many ways. Of course, being an F.B.I. agent he was quickly able to find out who Amy was and this is how Amy and her scarf went on their biggest adventure.
The time at which this story takes place, the oceans were pillaged by a group of Somalia pirates. Somalia, if you don’t know, is a country off the coast of Eastern Africa, near the Arabian Sea. Anyway, these pirates caused much trouble for everyone. They stole all kinds of boats and even a Saudi Arabian Oil-Tanker, which in those times was more valuable than gold.
So this agent that found Amy, his name was John Casey— whose name has been changed to protect the agent— contacted Amy, and to make a long story shorter, convinced Amy to meet him with other agents, to talk with her about helping them. And to make a rather long and boring conversation short and to the point, Amy agreed to help them. The mission: to stop and arrest the Somalia pirates.
I don’t know if you have ever had to stop a group of trouble-making pirates, but if you think it is an easy task, you obviously haven’t because it is a rather difficult, even if you have a magic scarf. Since Amy scarf’s powers didn’t include a GPS of naughty pirates, it took her a relatively long time to find them, even with government help. However, this proved to be a good thing, for it gave Amy and John Casey —who was helping her on the mission— time to formulate a plan. So, when they found the pirates they had a perfect plan.
The ship they were traveling on was disguised as an Oil-Tanker, the very type of ship the pirates loved, Somalia pirate candy to be precise. Just as they— John Casey and Amy— had hoped they fell for the trap hook, line and sinker, even though neither ship was ever sunk.
The pirates quickly boarded the boat; some of the crew was up on the deck fighting them, including John Casey. Below deck, underneath the fighting feet of the pirates was an army, courtesy of the United States government. As the pirates fought on the main deck Amy and the army climbed into a few boats and went around, on to the pirate’s ship. When they arrived to the pirate ship, some soldiers threw ropes on to the rail to climb on the deck, Amy threw her scarf.
They all climbed fast and were met with pirates as they arrived on the deck. There was a brief pause, then the fighting broke out. Amy wielded her scarf, while others used various guns and knives.
One pirate came to her with a giant machine gun, but she whipped her scarf around the gun, the gun flew into the pirates face, knocking him and the gun to the ground.
Once while fighting, Amy saw one of her soldiers, fighting a pirate by the rail of the ship, the soldier was almost pushed overboard by the pirate. Amy ran to the rescue, she whipped her scarf in the pirates face, and he fell overboard, along with the soldier. Amy threw the scarf—while holding on the other end, of course— to the falling soldier, who caught it. Amy then pulled the soldier back to the safety of the deck, well safe aside from all the fighting.
Soon Amy was back flinging her scarf around taking down pirates left, right, from the front and from behind. Eventually the fighting was done on the pirate’s ship; Amy hung her scarf around her neck and proceeded to leave the ship. A few of the soldiers stayed behind to keep the order of the ship, so if any of the surviving pirates wanted to try anything they’d have someone to deal with.
Amy was considered an international hero for defeating the pirates, although the secret of the magic scarf was kept, until someone decided to do an investigation. The man was a circus master; he found Amy and offered her one million dollars for the scarf—he thought it would be a wonderful addition to his circus. Amy wanted to go to South Africa to be a missionary, one million dollars was more than enough money.
However, Amy could not part with the scarf. It had become a piece of her and had saved many lives; to leave it would be unthinkable. The circus master was horribly upset at Amy, but she was one who didn’t give a penny for what someone else thought— even though most thoughts are thought to be worth a penny. Fortunately Amy’s friend Kaylee had become a screenwriter and Kaylee provided enough funds for Amy to go to Africa.
Amy lived in South Africa for many years and she still used her scarf for various occasions, but by far the most elaborate and exciting was the incident with the pirates. After all, how many people can say they defeated a group of Somalia pirates?
The scarf was made by a tailor in India. Some said that he also was a magician, for the clothes he made never wore or tore and were always clean, never wrinkled. The tailor, of course, knew no magic; he just knew how to make clothes in a special way that kept well. Sadly the tailor died—in an elephant accident— before he could teach anyone his special ways of clothes making, which is why today our clothes are always in need of constant repair.
When the tailor died his unsold clothing passed on to his friend who was a sheik. The Sheik—I’m not sure what his name was— had no desire to keep all the tailors clothes, but neither did he want to get rid of them, after all they were from his dear dead friend. So he stuffed them in a forgotten room in the corner of his palace, now known as the Taj Mahal.
Then like his friend, the Sheik also died, however it was in a croquet accident, not one involving an elephant. The clothes, including the scarf were removed from the room and put in a cart to sell at the market. However, when the servants were moving the clothes, the scarf fell out and was found by a poor beggar boy.
The beggar boy once lost it in the Indian Ocean and it was picked up a fisherman. The fisherman gave it to his sister. His sister gave it to her cousin’s uncle’s daughter’s niece, who gave it to either her second-cousin’s aunt or her aunt’s second-cousin. Here is where the scarf’s history remains a mystery. Somewhere along it’s past it came to America and ended up in the possession of Amy, which is the most important thing. Along with the fact that Amy did not know it was magic. And considering that this is the story of how she came to know of it and how she used its powers to make the world a better place let’s get this story going shall we?
Amy, as I said lived in a far away place, but even people in the most far away places enjoyed traveling to even farther destinations, and Amy was no exception. In the cold month of February—at least it is in the northern hemisphere where our story takes place— Amy decided to travel to an even colder part of the world known as Field Springs. In the month of February the field was the farthest thing from springy in fact quite the opposite, it was snowy. The snow was the reason Amy was traveling to that frozen country, the church youth group she participated in was going there for a trip and so was Amy.
The trip there was long and the road was long and windy as if it had built by someone obsessed with slinkies. Amy’s companion, Kaylee got very nauseated, but before Kaylee threw up her lunch, they arrived at Field Springs.
The rest of the day was spent unpacking and running around the campground there, she was with junior highers so there was a lot of energy to burn. And because everyone burned so much energy they all sleep peacefully through the night.
In the morning they loaded up on the bus and went to a sledding hill. Amy and Kaylee stayed behind, you see Amy had bad knees, —don’t ask why, she just did, genetic stuff you know— and Kaylee had Over-reactive airways. (A terrible, terrible disease) So going down a giant hill and walking back up proved very strenuous for the both of them and they both decided that it would be better if they just remained at the campground.
Well, Amy isn’t one that enjoys “hanging around” for a long, and neither is Kaylee for that matter. Before anyone could stop them —if anyone had been there to do so —they had on their snow clothes, Amy her scarf and they were out the door.
I don’t why they chose to take a hike in the snow, but they did. Both of them enjoyed it immensely, until it happened. Kaylee walked away for a little bit to take a picture and the lighting was better over there than on the trail. However, underneath the snow where Kaylee stood was ice, and at that particular moment it decided to break.
Without warning Kaylee disappeared from Amy’s eyesight and yelled. Thinking fast, Amy lied down on the snow and inched towards Kaylee. She undid her scarf and threw it too Kaylee but it was too short, she tried to crawl closer, but the ice started to crack beneath her so she stopped. Please, she thought pleading to scarf, just a little longer. Much to her disbelief to scarf extended to just the right length.
“Grab my scarf,” she yelled to Kaylee, then said to herself, Please be strong enough. Once again the scarf obeyed her request.
Amy helped Kaylee back to the main lodge of the campground and Kaylee took a hot shower to warm up. As Kaylee showered, Amy built a fire. When she was done she picked up her scarf to warm it up, she noticed it looked much shorter and definitely not strong enough to pull someone out of icy water. Then she had a thought, “Grow longer!” she commanded the scarf, and of course, it grew longer. And that is how Amy discovered her scarf was magic.
If I wanted to, I could tell about the rest of the trip, but I don’t, for this story, if you noticed, is entitled Amy’s Magic Scarf and that is what I intended to write about. If you wish to know the rest of Amy’s trip read the book entitled Amy’s trip to Field Spring, and as far as I know there is no such book written. So you’ll have to stick with this story, my apologizes.
Over the next few months Amy spent a lot of time seeing what her scarf could do and found it could grow longer, stronger, and change shape. After that, Amy was hardly ever without her scarf. Amy used her scarf many times, but the next time that it changed the course of this story is when she was in Portland.
Once again it was on a youth group trip. This time they traveled to Portland for Acquire the Fire, a big event that is hard to explain, so I won’t (however, this is a really exciting, awesome, amazing, fun event, make no mistake about that).
Late at night Amy and the group of people she was with were traveling from the Portland Coliseum, where the event took place to their hotel. All of a sudden there were many shouts and a man ran through their massive mob of people.
“Stop that man!” shouted a policeman running after him. So, Amy did, she held her scarf threw it like a whip; the end entangled itself around the legs of the running man and he fell to the ground. The policeman handcuffed him, “Thank you, whoever threw that scarf.” Everyone pointed at Amy, “Thank you miss, you did your country a great service.”
“Oh, it was nothing,” said Amy. The policeman led the man, who the police had been trying to catch for sometime, away to his police car.
Now this wouldn’t be all that important if an F.B.I. agent hadn’t been watching the whole thing. He noticed the scarf’s length change, which no one else seemed to. The agent thought to himself, With that scarf she would be able to help in so many ways. Of course, being an F.B.I. agent he was quickly able to find out who Amy was and this is how Amy and her scarf went on their biggest adventure.
The time at which this story takes place, the oceans were pillaged by a group of Somalia pirates. Somalia, if you don’t know, is a country off the coast of Eastern Africa, near the Arabian Sea. Anyway, these pirates caused much trouble for everyone. They stole all kinds of boats and even a Saudi Arabian Oil-Tanker, which in those times was more valuable than gold.
So this agent that found Amy, his name was John Casey— whose name has been changed to protect the agent— contacted Amy, and to make a long story shorter, convinced Amy to meet him with other agents, to talk with her about helping them. And to make a rather long and boring conversation short and to the point, Amy agreed to help them. The mission: to stop and arrest the Somalia pirates.
I don’t know if you have ever had to stop a group of trouble-making pirates, but if you think it is an easy task, you obviously haven’t because it is a rather difficult, even if you have a magic scarf. Since Amy scarf’s powers didn’t include a GPS of naughty pirates, it took her a relatively long time to find them, even with government help. However, this proved to be a good thing, for it gave Amy and John Casey —who was helping her on the mission— time to formulate a plan. So, when they found the pirates they had a perfect plan.
The ship they were traveling on was disguised as an Oil-Tanker, the very type of ship the pirates loved, Somalia pirate candy to be precise. Just as they— John Casey and Amy— had hoped they fell for the trap hook, line and sinker, even though neither ship was ever sunk.
The pirates quickly boarded the boat; some of the crew was up on the deck fighting them, including John Casey. Below deck, underneath the fighting feet of the pirates was an army, courtesy of the United States government. As the pirates fought on the main deck Amy and the army climbed into a few boats and went around, on to the pirate’s ship. When they arrived to the pirate ship, some soldiers threw ropes on to the rail to climb on the deck, Amy threw her scarf.
They all climbed fast and were met with pirates as they arrived on the deck. There was a brief pause, then the fighting broke out. Amy wielded her scarf, while others used various guns and knives.
One pirate came to her with a giant machine gun, but she whipped her scarf around the gun, the gun flew into the pirates face, knocking him and the gun to the ground.
Once while fighting, Amy saw one of her soldiers, fighting a pirate by the rail of the ship, the soldier was almost pushed overboard by the pirate. Amy ran to the rescue, she whipped her scarf in the pirates face, and he fell overboard, along with the soldier. Amy threw the scarf—while holding on the other end, of course— to the falling soldier, who caught it. Amy then pulled the soldier back to the safety of the deck, well safe aside from all the fighting.
Soon Amy was back flinging her scarf around taking down pirates left, right, from the front and from behind. Eventually the fighting was done on the pirate’s ship; Amy hung her scarf around her neck and proceeded to leave the ship. A few of the soldiers stayed behind to keep the order of the ship, so if any of the surviving pirates wanted to try anything they’d have someone to deal with.
Amy was considered an international hero for defeating the pirates, although the secret of the magic scarf was kept, until someone decided to do an investigation. The man was a circus master; he found Amy and offered her one million dollars for the scarf—he thought it would be a wonderful addition to his circus. Amy wanted to go to South Africa to be a missionary, one million dollars was more than enough money.
However, Amy could not part with the scarf. It had become a piece of her and had saved many lives; to leave it would be unthinkable. The circus master was horribly upset at Amy, but she was one who didn’t give a penny for what someone else thought— even though most thoughts are thought to be worth a penny. Fortunately Amy’s friend Kaylee had become a screenwriter and Kaylee provided enough funds for Amy to go to Africa.
Amy lived in South Africa for many years and she still used her scarf for various occasions, but by far the most elaborate and exciting was the incident with the pirates. After all, how many people can say they defeated a group of Somalia pirates?
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
You
I sit in school,
But I can not think.
My mind always wanders
to you.
Always to you,
(Which makes my grades suffer.)
I sit in the lunch room,
(even though it's crowded)
And I long
for you.
I need you there,
With me.
Not a day passes by,
When I don't think
of you,
It's always you.
No one else.
I drive home
And I think of you.
(even though I should
Watch the road)
Only you.
Oh, if only I
could always
be together
With you.
Never alone,
without you.
You see I love you,
And only you
Chocolate.
But I can not think.
My mind always wanders
to you.
Always to you,
(Which makes my grades suffer.)
I sit in the lunch room,
(even though it's crowded)
And I long
for you.
I need you there,
With me.
Not a day passes by,
When I don't think
of you,
It's always you.
No one else.
I drive home
And I think of you.
(even though I should
Watch the road)
Only you.
Oh, if only I
could always
be together
With you.
Never alone,
without you.
You see I love you,
And only you
Chocolate.
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