The Lord of the Remote

One remote to rule them all,

One remote to use,

One remote to bring them all

And all the buttons bind them.

This is the story of the universal remote (the shorter version)......

For years countless people speculated the existence of the universal remote. Some believed, others didn't. Until finally it just became a joke. Sure there was a "universal" remote for the television, sadly it did not, in fact control the universe. Searches began to find the universal remote. Some tried to make one one their own, however, all these attempts failed. Eventually the people began to despair at the thought that was no universal remote nor would there ever be. Until, one ordinary person made a extraordinary discovery.

One day Toby Sniggab was wandering out in forests near his home and he came across a remote in the woods.

"This is peculiar," he said. "I wonder what it does?" Some part of him, perhaps the left part, told him to that it would not be wise not to pick up the remote. For a moment he hesitated, but fortunately he picked it up. (Why was it fortunate? Because if he didn't then you wouldn't have a story to read) Thinking that maybe if he pressed a button it would tell him what the remote controlled, so he pressed pause, and the whole world froze.

His eyes grew wide at his discovery, "I've found the universal remote!" After the initial reaction of excited he soon thought it over, "What am I going to with it? What if the wrong people find out and want it to? They'd probably kill me for it! I should go to the wise Garndorf for help!" So off he ran with the remote in his hand to Garndorf's house.

As he approached Garndorf's house, Garndorf was out getting his mail. His head was looking inside the mailbox and his hand was halfway inside. Toby ran up and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Garndorf! I have something exciting to tell you." Garndorf didn't move.

"Garndorf? Come on! It's a fairy tale your not supposed to die!" Once again Garndorf didn't move. "ARGHH!!!! Why aren't you moving?!!?" He was just about to strike Garndorf with the remote when he remembered that he still had the world on freeze. So he pressed play and Garndorf finally moved.

They both went inside and Toby told Garndorf about the remote. Garndorf informed Toby that there was a Evil Lord that wanted the remote and was always looking for it. "You must destroy it!" Garndorf said.

"But where? How?" asked Toby.

"You must go to the remote factory and cast the universal remote back into the smelter. Only there can it be destroyed."

"I know I must do this, but I can't on my own," Toby sighed.

"No you most certainly can't!" Exclaimed Garndorf, "You'll need help. Especially because the Evil Lord will eventually find out and send his villainous Dorks after you."

After a while of talking they decided to create a band of loyal friends and family to accompany them. The group included Sam, Toby's gardener; Perry and Mippin, Toby's cousins; Stepper (actually that's just one of his many names) a friend of Garndorf who turns out to be a King; Limli, an elf; Gegolas, a dwarf; and finally Boredomear, just some random dude they found that wanted to go who was bored with his life. (hence his name) They called their group The Fellowship of the Remote.

Well I'm sure you can guess what happened, and to make this a lot shorter than three ginormous books, we'll cut things down. They eventually separated after a fight between the fellowship of the remote and the Dorks and soon only Toby and Sam were left with task they originally set out to accomplish.

Toby and Sam with the help of Cougher, their guide, who turned out to be not-so-great and betrayed them, arrived at the remote factory. (also Cougher was very attached to remote, because he owned it before and called it his "priceless") By this time Toby was starting to grow very fond of the remote and didn't want to give it up. When he reached the Smelter he debated on whether or not to throw the remote in and destroy or to keep it for himself. Before he could decided (he had Decision Making deficit disorder) Cougher came and stole the remote from him. Cougher was so happy that he jumped for joy, and accidentally fell into the smelter screaming, "Oooooooh Snaaaaaaaap!" all the way down. Until SPLAT he, and the remote melted. Ending the reign of the Evil Lord and restoring peace. And well, you guessed it, everyone lived happily ever after.... except the bad guys.